Vicky Cristina Barcelona

Filed under: Life probabilities — Tags: — Ely @ 4:22 pm March 16, 2012

I always loved Woody Allen. At first it was based on the main fact that he was different, but after Vicky Christina Barcelone it is also based on the fact that he is deep. It was amazing how on the surface with very simple and easy scenes he was touching deep and phylosophical topics.

This is a move, which may be viewed in 2 different manner, depending on who you are or what mood u r at.

Here are some observations, which brought the thoughts below:

Quote:

Ted: Here in Barcelona, everything was swept aside. The world was turned upside down and stayed there.

Fred: Has it ever occurred to you that maybe the world was upside down before, and now its right side up?

It seems that from time to time you have to step aside and try to re-evaluate your coordinates, where you stand, who you are and many other things… Not always you will like what you will realize, but it is better to know things than wrapping yourself with the fake illusions through which at some point you will not be able to see the reality anymore.

Observation: Vicky’s and Cristina’s clothes

They both wore American style clothes with a priority of comfort being above style and taste even when they went for dates.

Quote:

Only unfulfilled love can be romantic

Maybe being in love is a transitional period and love needs to be unfulfilled, so the couple does not reach the finish… Or maybe it is not true at all and love is good in all its forms… who knows?

Quote:

He had this hot divorce and she tried to kill him

Living with hot tempered people has its price… But on the other hand you will never get bored, which takes us to the point below:

Observation: Vicky’s guy

The guy was good, there was nothing negative in him…but he seemed so disgustingly dull… and their relationship was sooo EMPTY!!! And the saddest thing is that this is how normal relationships of normal people in this world are…

Quote:

Maria Elena: You’re still searching for me in every woman.
Juan Antonio: That is not true, Maria Elena. I was in Oviedo some weeks ago with a woman who was the antithesis of you. An American, and something beautiful happened with her. So you’re mistaken.
Maria Elena: You’ll always seek to duplicate what we had. You know it.

When you are looking for someone specific in someone else all you will find is bitter disappointment from the fact that what you had and lost was unique. And in case you find what you were looking for you will get the bitter disappointment from the fact that what you had lost was not as unique as you thought it was.

Observation: Barcelona

After all, putting aside the film… how beautiful, warm, sexy, nice, attractive, intimate, passionate and perfect Barcelona is!!!

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New Years…

Filed under: Life probabilities — Tags: — Ely @ 4:22 pm

I was thinking about the past New Years and few came up to mind, since they have somehow impressed me moer than the rest.
Here they are:
1984
Mum, aunt and grandma are in the kitchen since the morning. They boil, fry, chop and bake… The speed and quantity of the manu items are amazing. Dad and aunt‘s husband are called to the kitchen at some point in order to slice the ham and basturma. ”Thiner, thiner!” I hear womens‘ instructions.
Meanwhile grandpa is watching TV and I am running around the appartment anticipating Santa‘s visit, since the food is not a seduction at that age yet.
The evening comes, we all sit at the table, enjoy the meal, watch TV and I go to bed knowing that Santa will leave his preasant under my pillow.


1985
Part of the magic is gone. Few month ago a friend told that there is no Santa and the presents are from our parents. I was extremely dissappointed… It is so difficult to give up favourite illusion. To think only, my ”special Santa gifts” were things bought by parents in ordinary shops…
So this New Year was more less the same as the previous one, but with less magic and anticipation. I did not realize it first, but by that small dissappointment I was starting to grow up.
1995
I am the Armenian embassy in Brussels. The whole staff with their families are celebrating together there. As always I am sent to the floor where the children are – to babysit. Somehow by default that is the way it is… I am irritated, I don‘t like kids, I am bored and annoyed…
At some point the phsychological pressure reaches its highest level and I fall into hysterical condition. Afront of everyone I cry, shout, accuse my mum and … get the sympathy of the whole staff …
1998
I am invited at friend‘s house. It is a very big nice house with a garden. The croud is very diverse, from our uni friends, to her older professional contacts and some art people. I am there early to help out prepare cavier canapes and the punch. She has the best finnish vodka frozen in the fridge.
Basically we ate much less than we drank. Had a big firework in the garden and set a nice bush on fire. Firefighted a bit. Sat and made jokes which all were funny since we were drunk. Went home.
In general all was nice, but somehow I felt so out of place. My empty and dark room seemed a better place.
1999
I was alone with another lonely friend from Armenia in Brussels. All friends were away and we had absolutely no plans and no mood for the New Year. I am at her campus, where there is student party. We do not know anyone there but gatecrash it. Spent few minutes only watching strangers dance, drink beer and puke.
We are out in the park, sitting on a bench. It is freezing cold, stars are shining in the sky. We both are silent, making wishes in our minds.
When we no longer feel our hands and feet we go to the room, make a sad sigh and go to sleep.
***
People say that how the upcoming year will be depends on how you celebrate it. Recalling the above New Years I can definitely tell that it is not true.
How the year will be depends only on you, your decision, actions, goals and dreams. And it does not matter where you are, with whom and how you feel on New Years eve, what matters is what do you choose – to be happy next year or not.
I choose happiness and no one can take it away from me !
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Margin Call

Filed under: Life probabilities — Tags: — Ely @ 4:22 pm

At my uni years, when I was doing my majors in corporate finance and portfolio management, I imagined myself being one of the best stock investment brokers at Wall Street in the future…

Yes, time changes many things after all. And although I still have slight interest in stock valuation and find investing very exciting, I am very happy I am not at the Wall Street now.
I watched ”Margin Call” today. It showed the insights of the Wall Street and I was impressed by the following:
  • The cruel way people are fired – remember how Mr. Dale was fired after 19 years of service? One cold interview, humiliating walk along the cubicals with boxes of personal belongings and the security guy following his each move to make sure that he takes nothing more than his personal belongings. In short – even committed employees are treated like shit!
  • At some point you think that the top executive is crying because 80% of the floor was sent home forever, but suddenly he tells ”My dog is dying…”… On the other hand it is kind of logical, after all it is his dog, while the fired people are company’s people, no?
  • Remember when one of the big executives is called to see the projection graphs and figures he tells ”I can’t read this thing” :) Maybe it is not fair, but that is the reality of most offices. Bosses are almost always professionally much weaker than the people working for them
  • Looking at the scene contrast between the night life and the tense athmosphere in the office at night I somehow made parrallel between the freedom and slavery
  • When it comes to Demi Moore, she could not help herself even in the extreme situation such as ad hoc meeting in the middle of the night act as a perfect snob and asking about guy’s background
  • Be first, be smarter or cheat! I guess no comments needed there
  • ”When did you get so soft”? That is how Wall Street calls ethical employees – soft!
  • What is right might take multiple interpretations :)
  • There is a scene, when one sees that even in 150k car one can feel pretty uncomfortable. Isn’t it ironic?
As a conslusion I would say that the movie was really nice. It managed to show relatively dull subject in quite entertaining way. Most probably for those, who are familiar with different financial terms and the Wall Street market it is more understandable than for others, but the main topic i.e. business ethics is understood by all. And the cast is great too.
But… of course I can not deny that Wall Street is not only a source of big money, but also of adrenaline, speed, risk and the excitement of walking on the edge!
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One day in many small words

Filed under: Life probabilities — Tags: — Ely @ 4:18 pm

Early morning – too early. Pain, sickness and hunger.
Cool air hitting the nose.
Supermarkets at 8:00 A.M. are so quite, calm and nice…
Taxi drivers have bad taste in music… Earphones to hit back with OWN music
Empty office. Myself and gift packs, envelopes, postcards and …. Internet.
Sitting on the floor, packing gifts, arranging the envelopes… feeling like a small cute Elfe…
Dizziness, hunger… realization that if not now later it will be late
Good friend forcing to go out and eat
Food, friends, talks …talks … talks…
Back to the Elfe role with small interruptions by different people
No holiday mood… just routine, stressed people around and tiredness
In relatively new driver’s car, who absolutely has to pick up all phone calls while driving 
Warehouse – boxes, white walls, dull feeling…
Little cute Elfe, packing gifts but wanting to be somewhere else
Elfe receives a present herself 
Taxi – with no music 
Elfe becomes Santa – choosing and buying gifts
Santa becomes a shopaholic – spontaneous egocentric purchases
Home sweet home – just for few minutes
Fresh air, earphones, music… empty streets and dark sky…what can be better?
Happy feeling, smiling at the emptiness, enjoying the loneliness…
So cold outside, so warm inside…
Back home, back to being a mummy
New clothes, mirror… sparkle in the eyes
Son with camera capturing moments
Writing next to the warm chimney
Longing….craving for beer, but today it’s forbidden 
The day is not over yet… but my words are…

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Flying Papers

Filed under: Life probabilities — Tags: — Ely @ 4:18 pm

A4 papers were flying, dancing with the wind and creating intrigue in the sky. White sheets with different texts swinging and slowly getting closer to the ground.

People down there on the street were too busy, too gloomy and too serious. Some of them did not even notice what was happening in the sky. They were all totally obsessed by their thoughts, problems, feelings and deadlines. People were passing each other without even looking at each other and the street was full of complete strangers, who were all united by the same rhythm – the rhythm of busy and stressful life.

Papers were heading down with a panic in their hearts. The streets were not clean after the recent rain and they were to meet the humidly dirty asphalt pretty soon… Unfortunately the grey asphalt was not the knight any of them had been dreaming for. The only thought that comforted them was the fact that all papers were headed there and none of them was the unique unlucky one.

Each paper had different final faith though. Some fell on the red roof of the open air cafe, some ended up in-between tree branches, but some met the asphalt. The asphalt, tired from passers footsteps and the recent rain was too tired to greet them, so the papers met indifference and did not feel welcome.

Papers which were lying on the street had different fate too. Some where stepped on by people, some were picked up by curious passers and later on thrown back. No one needed them since their content could no be understood. The words were clear, but their purpose and meaning was uncertain…

On the roof of the high building there was a young woman desperately trying to collect A4 papers, which the wind stole from her and now was tossing to different directions. While she was picking up some papers the others were falling from her hands, as to the ones which flew away – for her they were irreversibly lost.

The young woman did no want to give up, although she knew that life will never be complete and entirely in her hands and the uncontrollable papers were perfectly illustrating that fact…..

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Day full of contrasts

Filed under: Life probabilities — Tags: — Ely @ 4:18 pm

Birth

Previous day was choking by the news of one death, while the next morning brought the news of a birth… Strange but life goes on the way it has always done since it was created, nothing changes and nothing will. There is always someone crying and someone laughing – both at the same time, but hopefully in different places…

Protest

The square, which has seen blood on it’s asphalt has also felt the weight of thousands pairs of feet… Depending on the day – feet have been dancing, running, standing… its owners have been from the opposition, from the mass liking cheap Armenian “star”’s music and from the police, whom I do not feel like describing…

The opposition was on the square since yesterday, which is maybe the reason why they behaved so inadequate!

Northern avenue

Next to the mad square there was an avenue of expensive shops, which with its existence was trying to prove the opposition on the square that everything was much better than they thought… And maybe they were right, since although there were incomparably more expensive than their clones in Europe, people still paid money and went out with shopping bags. I guess they are ready to overpay for illusions and the chance of bypassing a shuttered dream.

The white dress

My taxi was taking me back home and I was looking out of the window tired and numb inside. That was when I saw a perfectly white summer dress lying on the tree… not on the branch, but on the tree itself. Maybe it has been someone’s favorite dress. Now it looked terribly lonely, although maybe just few hours ago it had a big company back in it’s wardrobe!

The Roller Blader

My taxi was halfway there when I noticed the famous roller blader expat grandpa known in the whole city. I had never seen him walking before but today he was. He was walking fast together with a young guy, who was trying to keep up with his pace. The Blader had big earphones, which made me think that although he was not walking alone, it did not make difference since taking into consideration the size of the earphones, those two were not going to have a conversation.

Home, sweet home

I turned the key, opened the door and came in. Our home felt so indifferent to everything and so empty. I looked around and thought that maybe only indifferent and empty people have a change of being completely happy. Although, on the other hand, if I come in turn on the light and make some noise, the apartment will no longer be indifferent and empty. But those people, will always stay the way they are – “completely happy”, but indifferent to everything and empty !

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Where love rests….

Filed under: Life probabilities — Tags: — Ely @ 4:18 pm

Ever thought of where in your body love rests? Where is it born, where is it located and where inside does it live?

Is it the heart? Is it the soul?

We sort of know where the heart is, but where is the soul?

Or maybe love just travels inside and each time lays down somewhere else, just like a gipsy. Each times it knocks inside in order to let you know that it is still there, that we should not forget about its existance.

Is it always inside, or it can also be out? Does it hear us, when we call it?

Where are you love?

Maybe you are in my arms, when I hug him or under his fingertips, when he runs them through my hair.

Maybe you are on my lips when I pronounce the sweet, warm words, or his lips, when he’s kissing mine.

Maybe you are in each letter that I type, or simply are on my mind….

Maybe you are in my chest, when together with the jelousy you make the breathing hard. Or maybe you are in my breath, which I send out when I realize the jelousy was not justified…

Maybe you are in my stomach, where the butterflies are…

Maybe you are in my thoughts, which are filled with him… or maybe in his thought, where I am sometimes…

Maybe you flow through my veins or play with the sparkles in my eyes…

Maybe you are in that one special sunray, which makes me warm inside…

Maybe you are in the wind, by which you came inside…

Maybe you are on the naked flesh, or in the bedroom sigh…

Or maybe you are in every single tear that I cry…

Maybe you are in my bravest dreams…

Hey, love – wherever you are, just make sure you hang around!

I am happy to let you know that from now on you can like my blog at http://www.facebook.com/LifeProbabilities as well as follow Elly_LifeProb on twitter.

Me, Myself and I

Filed under: Life probabilities — Tags: — Ely @ 4:18 pm

Me, myself and I are sitting in a dark room and looking at each other…
None of us speaks and each of us is sunk in different mood, emotion and thoughts. Three of us are so like each other, but at the same time so different. We know everything about each other but at the same time we don’t know each other completely.
When the Silence got too tense and started occupying more space in the room than we had allocated to her, Me spoke.
Me: You think it’s ok to spend days doing nothing?
Silence annoyed and offended faded away…
I: Well, yes. It’s cold and grey outside, I am tired and doing nothing is the perfect things to do now.
Myself: A-ha. That’s just and excuse. You should do plenty of things you are not doing. Work out, cook or at least – write!
Me coughing deliberately to make the statement sound more dramatic asked:
– By the way what happened to that great book you started writing?
Myself winked to Me and both pair of eyes
smiled to each other.

I: Well if you both did not chase the Muse away, maybe he could help me out! He got jealous from the fact that you two are always next to me and left. So you will have to put up with the lazy I from now on!

Me: Great! As always you put the blame on Muse. Are you sure he ever visited you? Maybe it was just a vision, dream or your imagination? Are you sure he exists and even if he does, if he has anything in common with you?
Myself: Ha-ha. Let’s organize a ”Muse calling ritual”.
I: Look, I really appreciate the fact that you don’t leave me alone, but maybe you could simply stay unnoticed, silent and talk to each other not me?
Me: Maybe, but since we are somewhat part of you we can’t. You are such an extravert after all!
Myself: Extravert and VERY talkative, so Silence is none of your friend. The poor thing came just for few minutes and you already started to panic.
Me: Yeah. I actually saved you by starting a conversation.
I: Thanx, you both are so sensitive to all my needs. One could only dream of such compassion J
Me: You are welcome. After all if not you we would not exist…
Myself: And maybe that would be for good…
I: Ok… you’re right; it’s time to get back to that great book. Let’s get to the preparatory stage and finally write that thing!
Me and Myself started preparing the required environment.
Me ran to the kitchen and brought the beer. Myself turned on the music and brought the laptop.
I sat, sipped the beer, and closed the eyes for few second to feel the words.
Our fingers met the keyboard buttons, which waited for them since very very long.
I am happy to let you know that from now on you can like my blog at http://www.facebook.com/LifeProbabilities as well as follow Elly_LifeProb on twitter.

Soul Healing

Filed under: Life probabilities — Tags: — Ely @ 4:16 pm

Unexpected morning argument
Then chilly cold air outside
Again those bloody suspects
Are creeping to my mind.
Feeling guilty for nothing
Or for feeling alive
Always looking for something
Finding which is tough.
With each coming day
The illusions fade
Assumptions go away
And they lose shades.
The day is over and once again
I keep looking for meaning
No matter what, it’s all the same
… I need complete soul healing….
I am happy to let you know that from now on you can like my blog at http://www.facebook.com/LifeProbabilities as well as follow Elly_LifeProb on twitter.

Burn Cure

Filed under: Life probabilities — Tags: — Ely @ 4:16 pm

Getting closer till it burns
Thinking of you till it hurts…
And to keep live the pain
I think of you again and again…
When I see you passing by
All I wanna do is smile…
They say time heals
Although now love kills…
And there will come a time
When what was burnt will be fine
Things will change
And you will no more be the center of my universe….
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More than…

Filed under: Life probabilities — Tags: — Ely @ 4:16 pm
I love you more than songs can say
I love you more than words can shout
I love you more than pain may ache
I love you very very loud
Sometimes I think it’s not love
It’s different from what’s around
It’s far from the “common” stuff
And that makes me proud
Your look makes me warm inside
Your touches touch too deep
You are stuck in my mind
Even when I sleep
I love you more than poems can cry
I love you more than a desperate try
I love you more than deepest sigh…
I love you more…
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untitled

Filed under: Life probabilities — Tags: — Ely @ 4:16 pm

Can’t get closer

We’ve already shared the pain

Waiting for changes

To wash the sorrow like the rain

We both have the same shattered dreams

And we hang on to the same hopes

While asleep hold my hand, please

And in the morning unlock my ropes

Pieces of feelings

Are still hurting deep inside

Our deepest fears

Are still floating in my mind

Stay close and don’t let me go

Because the fate has decided so

Can’t get closer

We’ve already shared the pain

Pieces of feelings

Will be piercing just the same….

I am happy to let you know that from now on you can like my blog at http://www.facebook.com/LifeProbabilities as well as follow Elly_LifeProb on twitter.

Invisible souls

Filed under: Life probabilities — Tags: — Ely @ 4:16 pm

Dancing with the invisible souls

I am touching a vulnerable place

Knocking on the closed doors

I am chasing the faded days

Hugging the newborn muse

I am finding unspoken words

Being in someone else’s shoes

Starts getting on my nerves

Chasing down the future

Which keeps running away

I’m feeling the pressure

Of things I wanna say

Dancing with the invisible souls

I am finding new ways

To cover up the holes

Of my thoughts and face

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From love to love

Filed under: Life probabilities — Tags: — Ely @ 7:48 pm January 20, 2012

Seeing the person and feeling happy, no matter whether he/she knows you or not, loves back or not, cares at all or not.

If you love someone set him/her free. Sound so true. If the person is yours she/he will either not leave at all or will come back pretty soon. In any case granting freedom is huge illustration of love. It’s putting the wishes of the one you love above yours.

Speaking without words, feeling without specifically defined emotions, crying without tears and smiling with eyes only… So many special means of communication to make things heard/felt and understood. Look in the eyes, insignificant gestures and different moves can tell it all.

Sharing – something special, starting from a simple nickname till precious moments of happiness, sadness and emotional or physical orgasms.

Wanting him/her to be close to you even though the brain tells that it will be much better without.


Burning touches, soft tongue, pressing bodies…
Electric impulses running across all body… Slight fever.
Familiar smell and taste and impatiently nervous moves.
Touches all over, unzipping, undressing….
Hand, here and there…. Everywhere
Sighs, bites and scratches on the back.
Hugs, your head on his shoulder and tender feeling of warmth that fills you up!!!
Cigarette and few sips of water.

Tears, sadness, disappointment…
Words, questions, answers… at some point shouts and desperate, illogical phrases
Sending all his presents and thorn photos to the garbage
Freedom, careless and light feeling.
Unanswered calls, e mails, voice mails and all possible other kind of mails… J
And unexplainable anger towards the world, love, destiny and your stupid state at the point you met him

You wanna shout on the top of your lungs.
You want to crash, destroy and get revenge.
The frustration fills up your chest and you want to let it out in any possible way and free yourself.
You want to turn back the time in order not to be in such situation.

It didn’t work out but it was no one’s fault. No one to blame, no one to assign as responsible.
Life is about experiences like this, it’s about trying, feeling, burning and also losing
Time heals and at some point you erase him from your dreams, memories and kick out from your heart and soul
At some point you forget and forgive.
Finally you are truly free!!!

Attractive stranger with sparkles in his eyes…
New looks, warm feelings, compliments, and stupidly embarrassing blushing…
Thoughts filled with him, pretending not to notice, but trying to get reasons to connect. Even his green skype sign makes you excited J
Careful and very slow two of you get closer…. Emotionally first… physically next…
And this strange feeling that this time it’s for real. The warm calmness, no need to pretend.. with him you are yourself
Discovering him you are discovering yourself… and he teaches you to love though he doesn’t know too
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