www.CaucasusNow.com » Life probabilities

I’ve moved

Ely — Thu, 22 Mar 2012 14:50:34 +0000

Dear Readers,

Life Probabilities now has its own home and from now on I will be posting here. I am sure, if you check it out, you'll find something new.

For those who had subscribed by e mail or to the feed I will be happy if you subscribe once more at the new site. Sorry for the hassle, but you understand.

See you all at the new venue - just a click away!

Click!

Elly

Crash that ”writer’s block”

Ely — Sat, 17 Mar 2012 14:04:52 +0000

How many times have you opened your computer and stared at the monitor with absolutely no idea in your mind? How many times have you stared and hoped that from somewhere an idea will hit you and you will come up with a post to revive your blog, which needs to stay active? The answer for me is – many.

Recently I realized that more you concentrate on the ''writer's block'' worse it gets. Maybe it is because there is no such thing like ''writer's block'' and it's only in our minds? Maybe by paying attention we only make it stronger? Maybe there are other ways to get rid of it, easy and fast?

Internet is flooded by different tips to boost creativity and I personally have tried many of them. Some did not work, some others did. Below are the ones, which have been most effective for me so far.

Free your mind – stay empty

It's ok not to think about anything for a while. It's ok to free from those twisted thoughts and make some free space in your crowded mind. Think of it this way, when the idea comes, it needs a place to stay and maybe it does not come because your mind is too crowded. So free your mind and enjoy a short-term empliness.

Forget about the deadlines

By thinking about the pressure you make it heavier on you. It's true the deadline is close that is why you need the idea to come fast, but the ideas don't come because they are obliged to. Don't push creativity by your deadlines and pretend that they are no deadlines. It sounds mad, but that's when most of my ideas come, when they don't feel squeezed and pressed.

Unglue from that monitor

Just because you are affront of the computer does not mean that you have something to write. If you stay there it won't mean that the ideas will come either. So grant your laptop a short vacation.

Watch a movie

Since you have already forgotten about that damn deadline and are away from your monitor, you can afford watching a movie. Choose a thought provoking, emotion evoking and good quality movie and enjoy.

Take your empty, deadline-free mind out

Simply go outside. Change your environment and take a fresh look at usual things. Pay attention to details, see things from different angle and new ideas may come up.

Watch people (don't stare though)

I had communications professor, whose favorite activity was watching people. It was his career, his money-making tool and his hobby. Watching people without interacting with them boosts your imagination. You come up with different theories of who that is, why is he where he is, why he does what he does, etc. Only by watching someone you can get a ready story in your pocket.

Lyric based songs

Some people listen to the song and concentrate on the melody, beats and rhythm. I am a word person, so I concentrate on lyrics. Very often a whole poem or concept surprisingly comes up when I hear an expression in a song. So get fresh lyric based music, relax and listen to the words.

Read your old writings

Your writings may help you get into the mood. They may also help you find a topic, since there are always some ideas in your writings, which you can elaborate. And last but not least, if you are a good writer, your writings may inspire even yourself.

Of course, there is no universal remedy for curing ''uncreative'' state and there is no one unique way of bringing back your muse, inspiration and ideas. Just try some, experiment with others, come up with your own methods and sooner or later you will find what works for you.

Chasing dreams

Ely — Fri, 16 Mar 2012 12:24:07 +0000

I was watching the concert dedicated to the Princess Diana, which made me think of people who are special enough to attract tones of people they don't know. There is something about them but it is difficult to identify what exactly, that differentiates and makes them stand out.

The vast majority of them is brave enough to stand out and oppose to the norms, rules and stereotyped standards and most of them pay high price for that. In most cases it is worth but in some not really. At least those people are brave enough to choose the road less traveled and walk the alley they believe in.

Those are the people who make me feel ordinary sometimes... But on the other hand I am not attacked, envied and criticized. Although if I was, I wouldn't really care, because there aren't that many people I really care about.

On the other hand people just need to be themselves, without pretending they are someone else, without hiding their real thoughts so deep that they become unreachable even to themselves.

We all should learn to laugh when we feel happy, cry when we feel like that and shout when the circumstances require. We should breath with full lungs, love with full heart and live by chasing our dreams.
And if we chase them fast and strong enough, we may reach them sooner or later...

Beer memories

Ely — Fri, 16 Mar 2012 12:23:40 +0000

With each sip of beer a memory enters my mind ... Memories,which have nothing in common,which are from different periods of mylife and which are nothing more than just memories. Most of them don't come back to me while I am sober J

Sip 1

Tbilisi... Nice city... City where part of my blood was made. I can feel and breathe it. I can identify myself to it, although last time I was here when I wa

s about 5. Back then I was here with my parents and no matter how strange it might sound I felt that I would not come back in a long while. I am back now – almost 30 years later...This time I am here with someone, who has become part of me. Someone with whom we walked through pain right into Tbilisi...

Sip 2

Brussels... it's raining, as always. I am walking down our street and crying. The tears naturally partnered with the raindrops. Few minutes ago I had a long distance call from the phone booth. It sounded like any other phone call I had made before, but my soul heard much more. I intuitively felt the reality inside and knew that it was over...

Sip 3

Paris... It is late evening of Valentine's Day. I am sitting on the window sill and looking at the Seine. Boats with bright lights are sailing up and down. Maybe that is the dumbest thing to do in Paris on Valentine's day, but I am reading Shakespeare’s sonnets. Although I feel lonely, but still I feel certain that everything will be alright, because if what Shakespeare wrote still exists, then the world cannot be a bad place to live in.

Sip 4

Moscow... This is the only city I recall with disgust. I am 16 and very skinny. In the metro station a fat Russian woman pushes me aside and calls me a cow...Nothing extraordinary for Moscow, but enough for me to decide that no matter how long I will have to stay here, I will keep my interactions with this nation to minimum. As a result, the shop salespeople were the only ones I spoke to during my 10 month stay in Moscow... Never went back there since then by the way and hopefully never will! Although... I started writing there.

Sip 5

Plovdiv... One of my favorite towns. Somehow, after a certain period of time, this place had become home for me. It was the first place where I could imagine myself living for the rest of my life. It seemed that I fitted there, just like piece of a puzzle... perfectly. I recall the streets of the old town and how cozy they were. Have not been there since more than 10 years, but still recall the place with warmth. Hopefully I will go back there to my mixed teenage years someday...

Sip 6

Brno... I am going out in early morning winter cold and meeting my friend from school outside. We walk to school although it is still completely dark. Seems like late night. For the first time I am going to school somewhere where it starts at 7:30 am. For the first time I take off my shoes and put sleepers before I enter my class... Not the first time I am somewhere, where I don't understand and speak the native language, but the first time a guy uses dictionary to let me know that I look pretty J I was 13 back then and not really pretty though...

Sip 7

Brugge... Maybe the most beautiful city I have ever seen. Belgian Venice... Have not been in Venice, but something tells me Brugge is better J There is something attractive and magical about it. It is winter, grey and chilly, but even the winter cannot hide the beauty and charisma of Brugge. I walk faster from my family so they get behind, because I want to feel and breathe the city alone, and share it with no one else.

Sip 8

Frankfurt... I am on very short business trip with my friend/college. We have full day trainings after which we have only 2 hours before the shops close. So we practice our walking speed, I wear out my high heels and we end up with overweight at the airport... Not very attractive city – just a business center and typical German thing, but we still recall it with a smile.

Sip 9

Varna... I am on vacation, visiting a friend. It is a tripto celebrate my break up and relax. With a small company we go to the best restaurant in Varna. It is an exceptional place, similar to which I have never seen before. The place is on a hill and the sea is below. There is nice illuminated pool. The castle is extremely rich, elegant and impressive, both from inside and outside. They serve with 18 century china and silver. There is helicopter parking outside. It is very quiet, nice and special.

Sip 10

Crete... island, which looks like heaven. The best family vacation ever. Sea, great hotel, wonderful food... It is a perfect escape from the reality. I adore Balkans!

Sip 11

Barcelona... It is our first honeymoon ever, 9 years after the wedding. And something tells me that if we had gone to honeymoon back then it would not have been as good. Perfect city, perfect man next to me, perfect hotel and perfect shopping... and a VERY special period in my life. A period of completely new beginning.

Last sip

Coming back to Yerevan... This is a place which I love leaving for another place, even if it is with the help of beer and memories.

Paradigm Shift

Ely — Fri, 16 Mar 2012 12:23:25 +0000

You live your stable life with already established values, believes and attitude towards different people and situations.

Your tastes, your views and opinions are sitting in their places popping up whenever needed. All seems clear, all seems normal, the life goes on…

Then Boom!!!

Unexpected, unplanned, unwanted… a thing happens. Something that turns everything upside down…

Those views, values and opinions, which were created for so long and with such effort start crushing down one by one. You realize they were all wrong, irrelevant and unnecessary.
They are immediately replaced by completely different ones, sometimes even with the opposite ones.

Boom!!! You realize that things are not that simple. In this life you can’t arrange everything in separate drawers and always know what is where like in your wardrobe.

It’s not a one-time set up, but a permanent process of re-arranging, re-evaluating and growing…

Growing, in order to have space for new things, bigger thoughts and larger plans!!!

Ode to Freelance Writing

Ely — Fri, 16 Mar 2012 12:23:25 +0000

There are times in life, when the fog disappears and you can see things better. The reality becomes more ''real'', your wishes and dreams re-visit you from the past and from somewhere the courage enters your life. Since the fog may come back pretty soon, this is the short period you should definitely take advantage of, since you never know when similar chance will re-appear again.

So, together with the reality, my inner voice, wishes and dreams as well as the courage for the nth time I made a decision for a drastic change. I filled in the resignation template and gave up pretty interesting job, which as appeared later many applied for, since they thought it was one of the ''the dream jobs'' of the company. Maybe it really was... but not for me anymore.

The day came, I handed over all the projects which I gave birth to and with a bitter sweet feeling left the office where I left hard work, impossible challenges, terrible speed, overtimes, tense atmosphere, annoying situations, always ringing cell phone, nice colleges and many unrecovered nerve cells. Many are sending their CVs to be able to do the same and to be in the shoes I have been for 2,5 years.

As to me, I am doing something totally different now. I follow my heart and do what I love – write. These days I am making my very first steps towards freelance writing and am going to tell you how it feels.

Here we go (I dedicate this to my x colleges, whom I wish patienceJ)

The workload is under my total control
I don't see and hear my boss. Guess what? I DON'T have a boss!!!
I can sleep in the mornings for as long as I want
I can work from wherever and whenever I want
My work depends on me only. The quality and the deadlines are under my personal control
I learn a lot with each order I complete. I grow!
I become much better writer with the time
Guess what? I actually get paid for each word I write
I do feel appreciated
It doesn't matter how I look and what I wear. I can work in my pajamas and sleepers, sipping coffee and listening to music
There is no need to go out in winter cold, I can stay home cozy and warm
Customer care is there 24/7 to provide with fast feedback and answer to your questions. Not something you will ever have in big offices with busy and nervous managers
Finally you find out why you studied in the past. Before your academic knowledge did not seem to matter that much
Nerve cells are safe and there is no stress
Amazing, but I can plan things in advance and as a result I am not in a hurry, I do not run and my deadline is not yesterdayy
I finally found time for myself (more time for the family, sport, reading, films, cooking, creative writing, etc J)
Now I can meet people I want to see and avoid the ones I don't
I may switch off my cellphone whenever I want. Actually I may not switch it on at all if I choose to
I can eat whenever I choose and don't have to wait for the lunchtime
It seems that my familty feels happier now

If I ever decide to work full time again I will make sure that what they offer is worth giving up all the above...

But, it may not be a stable income in the beginning, so if not my second half, maybe courage would not be enough to resign!

What I do when things go wrong?

Ely — Fri, 16 Mar 2012 12:23:25 +0000

Yesterday, when the spring was almost there the winter took over again. It snowed heavily, ice covered the pavements, sun went away and we all appeared in mid-winter again. That caused plenty annoyed Facebook updates, photos and disappointed sighs. That was just a snow...

We all get bad days once in a while. Usually we can feel it from the morning. We feel it, convince yourself that it's true and start concentrating on the problems. They on their turn feel happy from the attention and show up at their best. So we feed them up and make sure that they stay in and we feel miserable for the whole day accordingly. That's what I did with many others... but not anymore.

I have several ''tricks'' which make me forget about the snow and similar ''disasters'' and keep my good mood. Today was a potential bad day. I saw really unpleasant dream, it was icy and cold when I went out and I received a rejection letter for my guest post... But instead of feeling sorry and sad, I pulled myself together and called back my good mood.

Below are the small tricks I usually use:

Smile – maybe it sounds crazy, but once you try you will see it works. Start your day with a smile. One smile in the bathroom mirror can make miracles!

Music – turn on those beats that make you happy, sing along or move. Simply give music a chance and it will give you a cure

Surrounding – make a place at home, where you feel most comfortable and relaxed. Have nice photos around, nice things that you like looking at, bright colors, candles, ect. This place will be your escape from the bad mood, where it will not be able to find you

Memories – recall the happiest moments of your life. Re-live them once more. Concentrate on how you felt back then and bring back that feeling

Happy hour – plan something for the day that will make you feel better. Meet friends, go out for a walk, have that forbidden chocolate bar, read a book, watch a movie, sip your coffee/tea/cocktail with no hurry – whichever is for you. Just schedule a time slot, when it will be only about you

Workout – yes, I know that on those days you especially feel lazy to workout. But believe me this is the best way to charge your body energy. Maybe promising yourself the ''happy hour'' mentioned above may contribute to the motivation. In any case, working out helps me release stress, boost energy and on long run look much better

Daydream – there is something you want, long for, hope to happen, dream of. Think about that. Decide when it will happen and wait. Even if it doesn’t happen soon (it's forbidden to think that it won't happen at all!) it will bring positive emotions meanwhile

Thank you - maybe at this exact moment you feel unfortunate, but think once more. Go through all the things you are grateful for and you will realize that you have much more than you thought

Activity – things will not change if you stay passive. If there are things, which you do not like in your day, do something to change. Be active and move. People, who are on the top, did not fall there from the sky, right? They did not get there lying on the coach either

Attitude – things like the weather though, will not change, even if you are active. But for those things, just change your attitude towards them. Think if the things which annoy you today will matter in few years. Most probably they won't. Why put such importance in that case?

So next time it snows in spring don't rush to your Facebook account and update your status.

Have a nice day!

3 metros sobre el cielo

Ely — Fri, 16 Mar 2012 12:22:44 +0000

I was not psychologically ready to watch the movie, but I came across it when it had just started and could not get away...

This will not be a classical review; rather it will reflect the feelings and thoughts it provoked.

First of all these type of movies make me think that no matter how rare I really feel it, but my husband is right telling that maybe we are not young anymore... The good thing is that I feel it only when I watch similar movies or recall my past.

The film was vividly illustrating the light, careless and independent days that only young people can have. It showed how important is the ''here and now'' concept, since there are things which if you did not do ''then'' you will most probably never do again anymore...

Have you ever thought what happens with the fear? I mean, when we were young we did not know what that feeling was about and were completely fearless and bold. Where does it come from and why? It's as if is waiting for you to become certain age and it visits you and stays from then on, saving you from any risky activities and acts.

It is not even about romance or love, it's about pure happiness. Happiness which seemed so perfect that I was sure that a price will have to be paid. The movie was a good one, which means that the end was not happy. Somehow most of the great movies I have seen so far do not have happy ends and maybe that is their strength. Those films do not feed you with the lies of ''happily ever after'', because they are the reflection of the reality and not a fairy tale for naive children.

What irritates at the end is that one person has made a decision for two. And that one person was inexperienced and stupid... and the decision was so very wrong. But then again, that's the drawback of being young I guess.

After all one reaches the 3 metre above the sky only once and only for a short while. Even with the same person it will ever not happen again..

2,8 is closest you can get after your 3 metres once in a lifetime. If you have never been on 3 metres, you will never know that 2,8 is not good enough... but if you have been at your 3 metres, nothing will be good enough and you will feel it... all the time!

So it is just a matter of choice of your dreams. Either to be as high as very few have reached and then slap down on the floor from there but have perfect memories and uniqely intense emotions, or be safe and fly on average hight... If you do not have anything special you do not have anything to lose, right?

There is only one thing I can tell... the average hight has frequent traffic jams and car crashes, because it is pretty crouded most of the time !

Midnight in Paris

Ely — Fri, 16 Mar 2012 12:22:32 +0000

I could not skip Woody Allen's new film and watched it with great pleasure. It seems that Woody has become milder and more romantic with the age. His sarcasm and irony have become smoother and this film was almost poetic, although still Allen-ish.

Here are moments from the film, which seemed striking to me.

The hero is absorbed with extreme admiration for Paris, but unfortunately he shares it with the wrong people. It seems that he is so very out of place and so misunderstood...

As a counter fact his fiancée adores her friends (married couple) almost as much as he adores Paris.

His fiancé, her parents and her friends are so...hmmm how to put it in exact words. Well they are people who prefer Californian wine, as opposed to French wine. It says it all, I guess.

The hero is drunk and alone, walking in Paris empty streets. What can be better? Only a trip to the past J

Shaking hands with Scot Fitzgerald, talking to Hemingway and Picasso, drinking with Dali... amazing how happy everyone ''back there is''. It's all about drink, laugh and music. It is peaceful place with no worries. That just illustrates hero's nostalgic idealization of the past.

Did the scenes from the present get on your nerves too? It seems that Woody managed to show the contrast between guy's feelings in the past and in the present and how unpleasant the present is to him. Guy's fiancée and others are distracting and annoying the viewer. We want to just get rid of them.

The scene when they go from the past to the past. I guess it shows that when real feelings, such as love, excitement, pleasure, passion, anticipation and others are there the time does not matter.

The sad fact that most of great men would like to go back to the past because they think that in the past people were better... Does it mean that regression, degradation and devaluation are permanent processes?

And the last question, which was turning in my head, was why? Why didn't he stay in the past, where he fitted better? There was nothing in the present which could possibly keep him – nothing worth coming back to. Don't tell me he was serious when he was telling about the antibiotics, which did not exist in the past J

Eat, Pray, Love!

Ely — Fri, 16 Mar 2012 12:22:12 +0000

Eat love Pray – first everyone spoke about the book and the author, now everyone speaks about the film.

A woman in her thirties reached the stage when she lost herself. The story is about the long journey she took to find herself back. It’s a journey starting on the bathroom floor, where she sat and cried, unable to decide what she wants finishing in Bali, where she found love and found herself with it.

In between the two points, Elizabeth visits
Italy - where she eats and gets back her appetite for life
India – where she prays and gets time to spend with herself
Bali – where she slowly learns to get life’s balance and finally loves

These days many women, inspired by what they read or saw take the same route, visit the same places and talk to Bali’s wise man. What they don’t realize is that the journey she took was more within and inside, then the geography they are after. Going where she went, eating what she ate and praying the same prayer is not the universal remedy for thousands of uniquely damaged souls. People are different and their journeys should be such too.

One more thing that many don’t seem to realize is the amount of courage a person should have in order to seek change and make the required actions to realize it. It’s not only about the nice story, it’s also about how strong you are to make your own story, which will lead you to where you wanna get.

The main idea I had at the end of the book/movie was to make sure that the “eat, pray, love” becomes permanent process within myself!

Waiting for words from inside

Ely — Fri, 16 Mar 2012 12:22:12 +0000

I am sitting in empty room, all alone. I am trying to listen to myself.
I close the eyes and focused on my senses. There is something I wanna hear… something that can’t be heard in normal circumstances. Something my self will tell me from inside.

I wait…. I listen…. Nothing…

Silence is filled with emptiness. My self inside is mute. She doesn’t want to talk.
No sentence, no statement, no answer…. No word. She’s fed up with me I guess…

I give up and open my eyes.

30something woman sitting on a carpet in the darkness…

She’s looking for a road to take her from emptiness to happiness, from silence to music.
She needs her inner self for that, but the words stay silent inside…

Waiting for 2011

Ely — Fri, 16 Mar 2012 12:22:12 +0000

The year comes to its end.

People are running, making wishes, preparing resolutions ... and hoping for better year.
Meanwhile there is no snow, no time to get excited and what is even stranger - no worries. i feel so much lighter and calmer while wrapping up 2010 and putting in the drawer called "past & memories".

So many nerves have been spoilt, so many beers have been drunk, so many new people appeared, so many others started to annoy... So many events organized, so many tears cried, so many posts written....
So many dreams created, so many books read, so many films read, so many words unspoken and so many question marks raised...

And finally... great expectations, high hopes and very big plans.

I will get dressed, make myself pretty and open the door smiling, when the 2011 knocks it...

Life Probabilities 2012-03-16 16:22:12

Ely — Fri, 16 Mar 2012 12:22:12 +0000

Words, words, words… please come back to me.

Please come to my mind and let me be able to express myself with you.

I’ve been missing you all. You’ve been coming and gathering together in my blog posts – creating feelings, stories, meanings and plans.

Posts are empty without you… they miss you a lot!

Yeah, I know… I know that you will come only after receiving invitation from my feelings…. And the feelings I have now are too happy to attract you and make you come.

But why won’t you make exceptions… I can’t use you on the expense of my happiness, I can’t feel lonely and upset just to have you around and make up stories with you… the price is too high.

On the other hand, I still need to write and there is a LOT I want to tell. But I feel speechless without you… without you I can’t pour out what’s inside.

I have no alternatives – I can’t draw, sing or play music. You are the only acceptable option, since I can manage you best.

For the sake of old times, please come back! After all we have been so good together and we have shared so much.

When you come, I promise to create the best post with your participation so far J

PPF (Past, Present, Future)

Ely — Fri, 16 Mar 2012 12:22:12 +0000

The Past

The “past” stays behind and lets you go away. It’s the perfect break-up partner, who does not argue and simply lets you go with no offence, no insults and no accusations. You keep moving forward and with the time past becomes a vague memory of things which happened to you, but not really to you. At least so much time has passed that the” you” from the past is no more the “you” of the present.

Amazing how memories may be strong though… Sometimes you may physically feel things by thinking of different events, which happened to you 16, 12, 10… years ago. And the best part of it all is that the memories are only yours and no matter if you share them with others or not, no one will feel about them the same way you do.

Everything stays behind and only the memories stay…memories, which are part of you and part of those people who have those memories. But even the people who share the same memories with you feel differently about them…

The Present

They say it is a gift, that’s why it’s called the present…

Maybe, but not for me…at least most of the time - not.

For me the “present” is something in between the” past” and the” future”. Something not complete… It is a period when the “past” is gone and memories are periodically visiting you there. It is also a period full of anticipations and hope for the “future”. Most of the time in the “present” I recall the things from the” past” and hope for the things in the “future”.

So what stays from the present? Nothing. Maybe only the memories, which will be visiting you as soon as the” present” becomes the” past”. That means that in the “present” we have to live so that we create as many significant memories as possible.

The Future

The “future” is something wrapped with hopes, plans and surprises. You never know what kind of future you will get. No matter how “right” or “wrong” you behave in the past and in the “present” you will never have any guarantees for the future.

Future is never predictable and that is the most attractive part of it. People long for the future, because they hope to find there everything they did not get in the past and in the present. It is yet another chance for things you did not get, achieve and manage before.

The “future” in its turn will become present and past with the time. It will also stay behind you at some point. And it will also become a memory after a while.

The End

You are living your life by creating memories from the “past”, the “present” and the “future”. There will come a stage when you will not have time definitions anymore.

That will be the stage, when you will no longer wait for the “future” or plan upcoming days. There will be days when you will no longer worry about what will come next and spend your days with your memories, which have been cumulated during your life, created by you and will be staying with you till the end.

So the best thing will be to live a life which will become bunch of memories you would like to spend some time with at the end J