I went back to my memories and the image of me about 10 years ago stood affront of me. 2o year old bold, teenage looking girl looked in my eyes and smiled. I was looking at her amazed and smiled back. I can’t believe this was really me and what is more scary, or should I say amazing, is the fact that maybe this girl is closer to my real self, than the much “milder” woman I have become now.
The girl is with bold short haircut with BLUE highlights. She wears trousers with different size pockets all over and a short blouse. Her navel is open and she has artificial (only others don’t know about it) tattoo next to it. As always she has this special earring, which leaves the impression that her ear has been pierced 8 times. Her look shows the state of complete self confidence, protest against the world, “I don’t care” attitude and freedom. You can sense the smell of freedom and freshness coming from her skin.
She definitely does not look like someone who can cook or iron shirts. She doesn’t look like someone who would like to get married or will lose her mind completely for some guy. She knows what she wants from life, she’s certain things will turn EXACTLY the way she has planned and meanwhile, before her plans get realized she enjoys the flow.
Then she starts walking through those 10 years… slowly, year after year. Blue highlights turn to blond highlights, big boots with metal parts turn to high heel shoes. The rains cumulated through the first few years wash her tattoo away. She can’t even remember at which point her earring was lost.
Her plans change while she is in the flow of time. What she wants turns its shape far too fast in order to have visible picture. And once it becomes very clear and concrete… she falls in love.
And that’s the turning point for everything. The bold girl from the past changes her plans and everything turns up sight down. She takes the challenge and jumps into a new flow… very different, very strange and very unplanned flow.
Now I look milder, I cook well and I’m married.
Sometimes, when I look in the mirror the bold girl from the past looks back at me. No matter what those years, I and my life have done to her, she still re-appears sometimes and smiles at me. “To think only who you have become!”, she whispers and chuckles with misbelieve.
She’s still here with me and I still have that protest and “I don’t care” attitude left inside.
No matter how many years have passed and how many still will I will never give her up completely. In evenings like this, when I am alone in the dark and have the time and silence all to myself, we sit together, sip beer straight from the bottle and recall all those funny and not so funny things that happened to us.
Now I can say for sure that I know where I come from, who I’ve been and who I have become. And I’m certain that in 10 more years it will be three of us sipping beer together…the bold girl with blue highlights, the ‘milder” woman and …..?
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